Dewlap Defeats Uma Thurman!
I woke up this morning in a damn fine mood (having a great wife who likes nookie in the morning doesn’t hurt, but it was more than that).
I didn’t vote for Obama. I don’t particularly care for the man, given what little I know about him. I certainly don’t cotton to the indications of Marxist leanings and Bill Ayers and ACORN and Jeremiah Wrong and all the rest. I have nothing in common with him politically that I know of…until today. He is now my president-elect and it’s a good day.
Now I, being me, of course cheated. I couldn’t find a candidate that I liked and respected enough to vote for in good conscience. I’ve never thought McCain an actual conservative. Like everyone else I respected his war record and could cast no real aspersions on his character. I even liked the fact that he seemed like a fusspot, reminding me of my dear departed dog Mojo. I absolutely loved it when, at the beginning of the election season, some kid on some college campus asked him if he was concerned about living long enough to finish his term. McCain, in his typical style which was remarkably absent in most of this season, looked him in the eye with a smile and said, "Thanks for the question, you little jerk." Classic. Priceless. But in spite of all that, he wasn’t my guy and couldn’t be for the simple fact that I didn’t have the heart to put that poor broken-down old man in the White House. I still can’t fathom why he would sign up for this kind of abuse anyway. The man lives in constant pain from wounds gathered in service to America. I think and have always thought that he should be put out to pasture and live his remaining days in peace.
So who did I vote for? Oh, I’m sure they’re lining up to hear the answer to that! The short answer is Alan Keyes, a black conservative (hence my cheating; I can now always claim with a straight face that I voted to put a black man in the Oval Office) who some years ago lost a senate race against Obama. I know enough about Keyes to like him, perhaps even begin to trust him as much as his profession allows, which is like asking the IRS to balance your checkbook. But the Libertarian candidate, Barr, is former CIA. Okay, he’s out. Ron Paul dropped out and gave his endorsement to the Constitution Party candidate, some baptist preacher/talk show goof out of Florida. Then there’s Nader, the psychological disaster equivalent to McCain’s physical disaster. And of course a sprinkling of commies and greenies and some guy named Jon Bon Jovi or Steinbeck or….no, it was David Jon Sponheim! I liked him because his platform sounded intelligent and in appearance he reminded me of the sexual deviant portrayed on Super Troopers. But in the end it was Alan Keyes so that I could commence my little charade and, in a rare fit of farsightedness, enjoy this victory with my brothers and sisters.
And that’s what my good mood is all about. There are a lot of happy people out there today, November 5, 2008. If McCain had won then there’d be a whole different set of happy people out there, but I don’t think they’d have been as happy as the ones celebrating this Wednesday. I made a special point to go have breakfast and take a quick look at the world at large, white and black, and see what we as Americans have wrought. I came away satisfied.
A number of black kids seemed to have skipped school, and that’s just fine. Walking on sidewalks, mulling around parking lots, shopping for tools in Home Depot, have breakfast at T.J.’s in Grandview…all that I saw pleased me mightily. Blacks are the masculine of America in a way that white, hippie, so-called "male" liberals are the feminine. They’re happy at this moment without shame, and I wanted to not only see it and experience it, I wanted to be a part of it. While shopping for a drill this morning if I’d had the opportunity to find the black guy who shouted "Obama!" into the echoing chamber of Home Depot I’d have given him a high five. Not because I want to be a part of a sub-culture that I now hope will merge with mainstream America and finally join us as the brothers and sisters so many of us have always wanted. Not because I want to hop on the Obama bandwagon or fool anyone about my vote. My reason is very simple and very selfish: happiness is a commodity always in short supply in this life. When you’re wife is in a great mood for some reason, maybe even a little friskie, do you go out of your way to piss her off and ruin Christmas for everyone? Hell, no! You ride the wave and enjoy the moment. Capitalize on her joy. It’s free and she’ll share it with you. The same sentiment is out there today. If I’d high-fived that brother and he then asked me if I voted for Obama, I would have answered honestly and said "no". But I’m sure that would not have detracted from either my joy or his.
I don’t care much for the term "400 years of oppression". I’ve always thought it a bit of a deception to equate black slavery with the Jewish cause and history, a skew intended to weld legitimate suffering to Biblical philosophy. Well, you take what you can get I suppose, but it still makes me cringe when I hear it. I certainly don’t like the sub/counter-culture that has prospered so much in American society, full of black bitterness, racism, hate and deliberate disenfranchisement. I find it dangerous, unstable, ungrateful and more than a little rude. I think we’ve ALL experienced discrimination at some point. If you’re white then just go to Gates BBQ and order the quiche. If you’re a gentile then go to a Jewish funeral and take them all out for a BLT afterwards. If you’re a Jew then go anywhere and do anything, you get the picture. But anything I’ve experienced has always been incidental and I’ve always been able to walk out of or away from it. Not so in black culture.
Forget all the conservative lectures about opportunity and equal rights and $7 trillion in welfare spending on the great society. What matters is the very real feelings and attitudes of these people. As the American masculine they are, arguably of course as all my points are, built for suffering. Much like myself as man and husband. It’s just what we men are engineered for. We’re even happier that way, faced with challenges and obstacles and burdens to bear. We even tend to get soft and complacent and self-destructive without it. Black Americans have carried their own burdens, real and otherwise (irrelevant at this moment) for a long, long time. Those fire hoses and police dogs were real, and many people still alive remember those moments vividly and in person.
We have as a country done something historic and incredible. I don’t think that reason alone was enough to do it, but some people out there thought it was time and they seem to be right. I hope they are, and will enjoy this moment and this joy nonetheless. There are smiles now where I saw none before. They’ll fade, of course, but today they are smiling and I’m smiling with them. 400 years of oppression, my ass…but regardless, it’s over. There is nothing more whatsoever we can do to "level the playing field" or "enforce fairness". This is quite literally as good as it gets, and it’s not bad. A black man has been elected President of the United States of America and something very special has been proven to the world, something I’d like to refer to as American Exceptionalism. That term is used often by Rush Limbaugh but on this day he just doesn’t get it. Even now at the time of this writing he’s out there rabble rousing and trying to continue the fighting with talk of opportunities for conservatism. We don’t need him, countrymen – we have the Constitution, and that document as framed by our fathers is all the protection against tyranny we’ll ever need. It was designed to prohibit government and if we know our stuff and protect it and use it, it will always serve us well.
And besides, I’m tired of fighting, and I’m damn well tired of fighting my own people. I saw a lot of celebrating brothers and sisters out there last night, but not one of them was singing Karl Marx’s theme song or carrying pictures of Mao Tse Tung. They sang the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful, and they meant it in a way not heard all that frequently anymore. It was indeed music to my ears. Rejoice, America. If for no other reason then rejoice that we’ve done all we can to alleviate the suffering of our own people, to salve the consciences of those who mourn the past. Rejoice that we’ve proven who we are and what we’re made of. The price may be high indeed since I don’t know what President Obama is going to do or how well or poorly his administration will perform. But right now I am on board with this magical feeling and I’m ecstatic about it. It is liberating in the extreme to be a part of this, no matter how small my part. We had an election free of violence, the people spoke, the system worked and great things we’re done. Not all wrongs were righted and black Americans have some hard lessons to learn, not the least of which is the betrayal that our political process promises to ALL. Have we as conservatives not been betrayed, utterly? No one I know wanted McCain until he was the only choice. Many more on the other side wanted Hillary. Black folks wanted Obama, and they got him with help from those who love them enough to sacrifice for the sake of the past.
But I’m a conspiracy theorist at heart. The president is a prisoner of the Secret Service, not their charge. A group of men who all know each other and measure their wealth in the trillions do NOT give the nuclear football to just one man and hope he doesn’t go insane. Obama will betray, the law of principalities and powers commands it, but for now he has my blessing and all my hopes. I would, however, caution all of us to keep a very watchful eye on Vice-President elect Joe Biden. He’s no architect but if something wicked this way comes he will be the conduit. But for now, a long night has passed and the sun is shining and many, many black Americans have been given a much needed rest and reprieve. Talk a bow, brothers and sisters, you’ve earned it. I am as happy for you, more so, than I would have been had McCain won. Your joy just warms my heart. I welcome you with open arms, finally, into our shared culture and I know you'll make us proud. As for President Bush, I've always believed he's gotten a bad wrap. I "hired" him for one reason and one reason only: payback. On 9-11 America was grievously hurt. I wanted him to go get the bad guys and he did. He went to Iraq and Afghanistan and piled our enemies up like cordwood. And although we may live to regret it, his policies helped hone our military into a finely-tuned weapon the likes of which the world has never seen. If I'm big enough not to bitterly hate President Obama, then I hope that the millions of girlish hippies out there will back off a step from their rancor at President Bush. It's over, and I for one will not be a sore loser. Don't tempt me by being an insufferable winner. But again, I'm simply going to enjoy my day.
Late last night I was looking for something. This was before my attitude changed and I felt the hunger but couldn’t name it. I looked on the news, where I sensed I’d find it, and there it was: an elderly black woman with tears of joy streaming down her face. It brought tears to my eyes too. It was worth it, America. I have no doubt the price will be high for a clean conscience, but it’s worth it.
addendum: As for Rush Limbaugh, I NEVER forget a betrayal. He it is - and I'm a listener, mind you! - he it is who has forgotten what it is to be an American. He it is who has abandoned American Exceptionalism. He it is who now won't take his own advice and be happy in spite of cirumstances. He it is who now embraces the politics of destruction and division, in spite of his previous pontificating. He and most of the Republican establishment has betrayed us much like the mainstream media...yes, including Fox! Hell, especially Fox. Which is more dangerous: a terrorist in another country who wants to poison you or the next door neighbor who puts ground up glass in your food? They claimed to be friends and compatriots and they knew, they KNEW McCain was unelectable and they chose him anyway, especially the "GOP kingmaker" Limbaugh. Never, ever, EVER forget, America. Conservatives have a snake in their bossom and need to take a sledge hammer to it. And on a more specific note, Limbaugh for WEEKS has been making Freudian slips about Obama, speaking as if he were already elected. I don't need a psychology degree or a book on pantomimes to detect a lie. I knew it when he was letting his little blurbs slip. He knew in advance the election could not be won and continued with the charade anyway. Everyone in this election was betrayed, except the supporters of Obama. And as much as I enjoy their happiness now I will rue the day when they wake up and find that the system they spent so much effort to brake in to has always planned on betraying them, just as it has been betraying whites for many generations. But for now, commence au festival!
