That's Independence
My wife Lori and I recently sold the lake house that was handed down from my side of the family as punishment for my many sins. In that house was the very nice bedroom furniture my late mother had enjoyed before her untimely demise in a senseless car accident. Lori and I dropped off that furniture to my sister Becky's friend yesterday, the same friend who gave her own time and effort to come down and help us move and pack for no other reason than Becky's friendship. She seemed like a nice lady and I'm glad she got it. There's an interesting side story though.
This friends of Becky's, Marliss (Marliss??? Don't ask...) has a toothless white trash neighbor next door who had his whole house cleaned out a day or two before by unknown parties, although he suspects strongly his own son. As Lori and I were driving into ghettoland I was pointing out various vacant-eyed children rolling in their own filth on the street and the dilapidated condition of some of Methland's finer homes. Lori recalled her first search for a home in the KC area and how she became excited at seeing some houses for $30-50K for sale, to which I calmly replied "Why don't you let me pick the neighborhood, hun." Luckily she agreed. Now, as she saw the houses up close and the local natives beating their tom-toms made of human flesh, she thanked me again, to which I simply responded, "That's Independence."
We delivered the furniture to Marliss (Marliss? What the hell is a 'Marliss'???) and some tatooed young white children of the street helped us unload, one of which had tatooed "ROWDY" on his forearm and it was apparently a home-done job. Both of these kids had eyes like minesweepers, but they helped and in that strange Independence white trash way were actually quite decent and courteous to the ladies, although they looked with disdain on my broke-footed ass sitting on the wayside with my cane doing less than any work at all, and I can't really blame them.
We unloaded and, lo' and behold, here comes the toothless neighbor whose house now contains precisely nothing.
"YOU GOT MY BIG SCREEN TV IN THAT TRAILER???" He demanded to know, stomping towards us in as threatening a manner as a toothless 50 year old scrawny imbecile can muster. Marliss was seething with rage to the point where tears were running down her face, and no small bit of embarrassment I'm sure, and it started to get kind of ugly (understand that this is a covered black trailer we're talking about here, so you can't see what's inside of it). Smiling all the while I stepped out of the truck and hobbled towards the back of the trailer where Smiley was still demanding to know what's in there, claiming that Marliss was "in on it", hobbling on my cane and holding a small automatic concealed behind my back.
"By all means," I told the pride of British Dentistry, "have a look for yourself. Open 'er up." Which he did. Of course, no big screen tv. Somehow, and don't ask me how, this shining ambassador of G*D's Special Little Creature Club actually managed to look dumber than he did already. But mostly what Lori and I both felt was pity. Pity for his house getting cleaned out, pity that son's would turn on their fathers, pity that neighbors would then turn on their neighbors, pity for the absence of a National Dental Plan.
As we drove away, I turned to Lori and said, "Now THAT'S Independence."
posted by The Daily Warren at 7:35 AM
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