...and, yes, he's an asshole (like seeks like).
It's George Carlin, who else? He's the closest Gentile to a Jew I've ever found, eloquently combining Jewish honesty with Gentile cleverness and audacity. I've already read all the asshole's books and have listened to or watched most of his "specials", now I just need to find the fuckhead.
I'll start by searching out all the states in the U.S. that have decriminalized marijuana (that should narrow it down). Then I'll search the criminal records of those states for possession charges, and that should be a "bingo".
Funny (no pun intended), but this asshole's been with me the hole time...no, that's not a typo. I remember being 14 years old, listening to "Class Clown" on cassette tape, editing out all the cuss words and sending it to my big brother in seminary. It sounded something like this:
"........and then...........But what really........ me off is these rotten.....who....everything. Raisenettes.... because most of the time.....And the worst thing is.......But I say, "Who gives a ............"
See what I mean? I don't think big bro got it, but then again Big Bro never does.
I will find George Carlin.
I will tell him he's not my idol and that personally I'd prefer a lacerated asshole.
Then I will force him at the point of a six-foot double-headed dildo to call me a fucking idiot, just for auld lang syne.
And btw (which is internet speak for either "beat the wienie" or "by the way", I'm not sure which), here is a message from George Carlin:
A wonderful Message by George Carlin:The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you canchoose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.HOW TO STAY YOUNG. 1.Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.4. Enjoy the simple things.5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only personwho is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at everyopportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to at least 8 people....who cares?--George CarlinPost 9-11 (His wife recently died...) Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian ofthe 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent ...and so very appropriate post 9-11.
