Sunday, October 23, 2005

Got Chicken?

Do you like chicken? I like chicken.
My wife, the original touchy-feely / animal-loving Jew LOVES chicken. They're just...yummy, what can I say?
SO! There's this "bird flu", right? Spread all over the world, killing everyone everywhere? Global pandemic waiting to happen?
No.
Don't believe it.
Don't trust it.
What I do believe and understand is aircraft testing dynamics. When you want to control a market in a prevalent economic industry you have to test it, literally, to death. Hence, the bird flu. The chances of it spreading from avians to humans is relatively small...as any biochemist begging for pocket change on the streets of Manhattan will tell you! The chances, dare I say, the REALITY, of it impacting strongly upon yet another agricultural market is looming like the Sword of Damocles (I sure wish the farmers would wake up in America: they would make better allies than accomplices, but they are damn fine accomplices).
So! Where do you live? What's your zoning? Can you own a chicken or two? Would your neighbors throw a fit about a rooster crowing at 6 am? Who cares. Fuck 'em. Buy some chickens, and a rooster. Build a henhouse (quite easy, really). Eat some fresh eggs. Slay a few hens. Roast a chicken of your own breeding....
Why? Because the original white meat is on the ropes. If I wanted to survive the newest assault on freedom-loving, peaceful peoples everywhere I would NOT buy another gun...I would buy a chicken and let it free-range. Because the original white meat (not counting Vanilla Ice) is the one on the ropes, and that is where the upcoming air-frame dynamics testing will fall. You watched milk take a leap in price, and break, and even fresh fruits and vegetables like mangos and peanuts. Now watch chicken take a leap. Flaws in a system are found by damaging it under controlled circumstances and that's what's happening now with the chicken market worldwide. It's the same way the frame of an aircraft was originally tested for weaknesses, and the real gist is that they don't care at all about chickens: what they want to know ("they" being the people who dress up like Elves at the feet of any shopping mall Santa Claus coming soon to an economic depot near you) is how the managed supplies of fresh chicken will affect an international market. Simple. Cut off the chicken, study the results, make a trillion bucks. Oldest trick in the black book!
So buy Live Chicken War Bonds Today.
Not for you....but for your country!

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Real Bad Guys

http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/nationworld/story/5258931p-4774133c.html
Extremist Groups Help Earthquake Survivors
And this is how they do it - read the third paragraph. At some point, terror groups got smart, real smart, and brought in dentists and X-ray machines and PR specialists...including a tent to satisfy the enormous egos of visiting journalists. "Humanitarian" aid from terror groups creates the population base necessary to hide their operations, much like the mosque next to my house whose land deed is owned by the North American Islamic Trust. The more loving and humane they appear the greater the support base they create. This group in the article above responding to the Pakistan earthquake has links to Al-Qaida, just like the non-profits in America have links to the Saudi regime and their finacing of terrorism in Israel....AND Iraq.
That's the protocol: a beautiful front, a bloody behind. Sounds like a supermodel's rectal problem to me!
Also see:
http://www.wpherald.com/storyview.php?StoryID=20051017-122938-8063r
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,16948870%255E2703,00.html
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/10/17/MNGJEF9G0M1.DTL
What are they doing? They're meeting the needs of the population and doing so quicker (though perhaps not more effectively) than the legitimate government of the nation in which they hide. The final result is a state-shell where the government is overthrown or undermined, and anarchy. The midterm result is a place where these terrorists can hide while they kill and extort and subversively attack a lawful government.
This is Vietnam in its essence - they are winning the hearts and minds of the people. How? By buying their bodies (with needed aid and supplies) and being the first on the scene. Extremely effective...


Sunday, October 09, 2005

Fragments of Olympian Gossip

While listening on my cosmic phone
I caught words from the Olympus blown.
A newcomer was shown around;
That much I could guess, aided by sound.
"There's Archimedes with his lever
Still busy on problems as ever.
Says: matter and force are transmutable
And wrong the laws you thought immutable."
"Below, on Earth, they work at full blast
And news are coming in thick and fast.
The latest tells of a cosmic gun.
To be pelted is very poor fun.
We are wary with so much at stake,
Those beggars are a pest—no mistake."
"Too bad, Sir Isaac, they dimmed your renown
And turned your great science upside down.
Now a long haired crank, Einstein by name,
Puts on your high teaching all the blame.
Says: matter and force are transmutable
And wrong the laws you thought immutable."
"I am much too ignorant, my son,
For grasping schemes so finely spun.
My followers are of stronger mind
And I am content to stay behind,
Perhaps I failed, but I did my best,
These masters of mine may do the rest.
Come, Kelvin, I have finished my cup.
When is your friend Tesla coming up."
"Oh, quoth Kelvin, he is always late,
It would be useless to remonstrate.
"Then silence—shuffle of soft slippered feet—
I knock and—the bedlam of the street.
Nikola Tesla, Novice

Saturday, October 08, 2005

For the Next Few Blogs, I Will Be a Nazi...

(my apologies to my Jewish wife and members of her family, nothing personal....OK, it's extremely personal and insulting, but along with eating ice cream in bed I feel it is the right thing to do. So....)

READ! Read the thing. You know, that one thing. With the link. Read it. Read it now! NOW! Are you reading? I don't see your lips moving.

All right, I'm not a very good nazi. Maybe I'll try communist...

http://www.freedom-force.org/pdf/futurecalling4.pdf

Friday, October 07, 2005

Now Behold the Awful Price of Failure

"The only way to be sure Iraq does not become the threat it was posited to be before the war, a safe haven for terrorists, is to raise the standard of living and the expectations of the people, creating a country of "haves" who don't tolerate terrorists and thugs, and who have confidence their government and security force will back them up."
From the UPI article entitled, "U.S. Lacks 'Moral Authority' in Iraq" by Pentagon Correspondent Pamela Hess
http://www.upi.com/view.cfm?StoryID=20050912-042717-9783r


The more I learn the more ignorant I become. It took very little time, effort or reading to get a grasp on how little I knew about international terrorism. As a form of warfare (which it is) it is undeniably effective. As a form of warfare it is more terrible in consequence than any other combat method in history short of weapons of mass destruction (ie. thermonuclear weapons, chemical agents and Barbara Streisand).

Consider 9/11. With $500,000 and 19 lives, terrorists killed over 3000 people, caused an estimated $135 billion in damage, toppled the symbols of capitalism in New York City and permanantly scarred the most powerful nation on earth. For a relatively cheap investment in lives and money the effects were devastating. But that was an external attack on foreign soil (from the attacker's point of view). To truly understand the effects of terrorism you have to see it in action at home.

Consider Chechnya. Grozny looks like Dresden at the end of World War II. Look at Beirut, which is little more than a hodgepodge of armed neighborhoods full of armed, roaming gangs and controlled by petty regional warlords. Look at Somalia, Sudan and San Francisco. The economies of these places have been either blasted away or systematically dismantled. Government and order has collapsed. Fear, death and chaos are everywhere. They have become state-shells, a fancy term I picked up in the excellent book, "Modern Jihad: Tracing the Dollars Behind the Terror Networks" by Loretta Napoleoni (on sale now in Grozny bookstores everywhere!). A state-shell is what you get when the lawful government has been destroyed or rendered impotent. An excellent example is Lebanon where the P.L.O. (the parent organization of known terrorist J-lo) was actually collecting the import duties at that tragic nation's only sea port. The government of Lebanon was so hamstrung that a known terrorist group actually controlled its port and collected taxes and tariffs, not to mention the free hand it had at smuggling arms into the country. Chechnya and other places in Central Asia either are or are becoming state-shells.

When politics gets heady and complex I often resort to Star Trek analogies, and this is no exception. When terrorists take over a region they become like the Borg. They assimilate the society, cannibalize its industry and take over all natural resources to fund their goals. War is an expensive endeavor and requires a massive and regular infusion of capital to keep going. A complete war economy begins to take shape with the people serving the army and the army serving its own ends (the army literally being the armed groups that we refer to as terrorists). The existence of state-shells is not open to debate: they exist and in their own twisted way flourish. The question that needs answering is, "Can such a situation be reversed?", and the history is not promising on that score. Again Lebanon is a prime example.

During the reign of Hussein, Iraq could not actually be called a state-shell; it was a literal state that just happened to be run by a murdering, Jew-hating, terrorist-funding asshole: George Clooney. A state-shell is what it is in danger of becoming right now, and the same applies to Afghanistan. If this is allowed to happen - if the insurgents win, if the government and economy completely collapses, if the terrorists take over and can move about freely - the consequences will be beyond dire. And as usual, it's all about money.

As I said, war is expensive; the costs of which are rivalled only by the astronomical expenses involved in trying to get a really hot chick in bed. In small locals and regions where the natural resources or industry either can not be exploited or are non-existent, the usual methods are applied. These methods are kidnapping, extortion, smuggling and (perversely) stealing or subverting humanitarian and charitable aid, a common occurence. Where you run into real problems is where the natural resources are in abundance. It's possible that a local warlord could rise to preeminence, especially with the help of an outside power. This happened in Afghanistan when the U.S. funded the Mujahadeen to fight the Ruskies (can any Vietnam vets say "paybacks are a bitch, comrade"?). The end result was the Taliban. But what, you might ask, are the great natural resources of Afghanistan, a mountainous region where the currency is dirt?

Poppies! From which you get...heroin. Afghanistan is the number one producer of poppis in the world, and the area where these are grown is known as the Golden Crescent. The Golden Crescent is a stretch of arable land that enjoys a plentiful combination of sunshine and rainfall, known in meteorlogical terms as a "golden shower". This stretch of land extends across much of Afghanistan in the southern, less moutainous areas. The poppies are grown in Afghanistan, traded for arms or cash and sent to places like Sicily for processing, then shipped immediately to Washington D.C. for consumption by Congress. The narcotics trade originating in Afghanistan is worth hundreds of billions of dollars annually, providing America's second most-needed stable after pornography. And of course Iraq has our oil....I mean, their oil.

Should these nations in conflict become state shells it will make something far more dangerous than a simple "haven for terrorists", as the president has declared. The result would be a Wall Street on crack...with nukes. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make rockets, anyone can do it. Nor does it take a chemical engineer to pick poppies and make heroin. Whether its muslim extremists or arms smugglers or narcotics traffickers makes little difference to the people of Afghanistan and Iraq; the would be reduced to abject poverty and slavery if the structure of their countries collapses. Their natural resources would be stripped quicker than Janet Jackson at a football game. The infusion of much-needed cash into a burgeoning economy of terror would be...well, terrible. And because their society has collapsed the people living in this hell would become the perfect recruits for terror organizations.

Not that they would all become suicide bombers - it takes a very special idiot requiring years of baptist brainwashing to create that breed of imbecile - but terrorism is a lot more than just blowing yourself up. These organizations have political goals (one of the 3 hallmarks of a "terror" organization), and in pursuit of these goals an economy springs up around them. There's the people that go out and make or beg or steal the money. There's the people that launder the money. There's guns and butter to be had. There's a welfare state to support, since the families of suicide bombers often receive a large cash payment and a free pilgrimage to Mecca (I'm not kidding!). There are shoes to shine and Koran's to print. The populations of entire cities like Beirut and like Grozny become basically a service industry for terrorists, and believe it or not these bastards are then viewed in heroic terms for providing for the welfare of their people when in actuality they are solely responsible for the living hell that they hellaciously live in.

This is not fantasy, this is a global demographic fact.

Coming soon to a theater of war near you!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

And remember...

Think globally / act loco.

You Can't Have It Both Ways...Unless You're Bi

IRAN!!! We must bomb Iran!

Why? Because we can.

Dude, I could write for Motown. The latest news is coming simultaneously from London and Washington and the judges are unanimous: Iran sucks. Just like the t-shirt I used to have in grade school said.

Let's review.

Iran: Shiite
Iraq: Shiite majority with strong segments of Kurds in the north and Sunnis in the west
DC: pagan
Spotsville, PA: gay, down to the last girlie-man

The majority of the bombings taking place in Iraq are being executed by Sunnis, and the primary suspect has got to be Saudi Arabia with its two holiest Islamic vacation spots, trillions of dollars in real wealth, extremely large border with Iraq, restless population of religious zealots and the total absence of a single Starbucks outlet.

The leaders of the west, however, are accusing Iran of masterminding the sharp rise in suicide bombings. That makes about as much sense as a liquor store in Salt Lake City. Iran's Shiite population has nothing to lose and everything to gain by a Shiite majority taking over Iraq, its current Kurdish president notwithstanding. Sunni's in neighboring countries, however (and this might very well include the Syrians), have everything to lose and nothing to gain by a Shiite Iraq. It is highly likely that in a political attempt to isolate and attack Iran's nuclear development program the western leaders are creating a bad guy out of thick air, and it wouldn't be the first time.

For some strange reason I'm reminded of an unfulfilled Old Testament Biblical prophecy that Damascus (Syria) will be completely destroyed. Probably just a fluke, pay it no mind.

So the U.S. administration is trying to have it both ways without overtly engaging in homosexuality, which as any bi knows you have to do at some point. We all want Iraq to thrive and survive and for the ceaseless terror to end. And we all unilaterally don't care which subdivision of Muslimanity reaches power. Let them fight over it like we do, with Leftists on the right and Right-Wingers (not to be confused with Debra Winger) on the left and patriotic American Citizens in the middle getting screwed by both sides. I don't call it perfect, but it is a system and it does work.

Either the Iranian Shiites are responsible for Iraq's problems or someone else is. There's nothing wrong with having Shiites in charge of Iraq...except of course for the ceaseless and senseless bloodletting in the streets 24 hours a day, but we can skip that for the moment...but the real problem may be in not letting someone win.

Anyone.

Someone like me.

That's why I am officially announcing my run for President of Iraq, being perfectly qualified in political terms since I know nothing, blow hot air all day long, am totally incompetent and impotent and would steal candy from a baby for a buck. I'm a shoe-in!

I've asked the FBI for a name change but all I got was their usual form letter:

Dear American Citizen:
You're an idiot.
Shut the fuck up.
Kindly,
hoov

Figures. I never get a break...

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Bill

Robert Burns (1759-1796)
Scots Wha Hae
Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled,
Scots, wham Bruce has aften led;
Welcome to your gory bed,
Or to victory!
Now's the day, and now's the hour;
See the front o' battle lour;
See approach proud Edward's power--
Chains and slavery!
Wha will be a traitor knave?
Wha can fill a coward's grave!
Wha sae base as be a slave?
Let him turn and flee!
Wha for Scotland's king and law
Freedom's sword will strongly draw,
Freeman stand, or freeman fa',
Let him follow me!
By oppression's woes and pains!
By your sons in servile chains!
We will drain our dearest veins,
But they shall be free!
Lay the proud usurpers low!
Tyrants fall in every foe!
Liberty's in every blow!--
Let us do or die!

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Guts of New York / Hollywood Goes Home

I'm not one for sentimental notions, but....okay, that's total horseshit. I'm the fuzziest creampuff that ever packed fudge. But I do know heart when I see it, and New York just may....just may...have more heart than anyone else in the real world ever thought.

How do I know this? Well, first person experience, number one.

I met my wife shortly after 9/11. She's from Jersey, which as everyone knows is where all the real people that really work in Manhattan really live. They commute across the bridge and pay $9,000 / month in rent instead of Manhattan's usual $10,000 / month (those are Harlem prices, by the way). I visited her at her home once, and she took me to THE city, the Great City: New York, the City that Never Sleeps (although it does nap occasionally).

And in 2002 the thing that struck me the most was the patriotism, a notion I thought was now the sole possession of midwest imbeciles who sleep with sheep and think a dentist is someone who sleeps in the den and not the living room. American flags were draped from innumerable highway overpasses, hats and t-shirts galore declared their undying commitment to their country, bumper stickers proclaimed upon uncounted cars that "We Will Never Forget". They were all heart, and even though I myself (as a buck-toothed sheep-screwer since childhood) cried at the Statue of Liberty I could scarcely forget that I stood amidst a teeming crowd of AMERICANS. Americans that wouldn't forget. And neither would I.

I was in a chat room the other day, surfing gay-child-bondage-porn with a bestiality garnish...actually I was listening to the Cowboy's game because I couldn't get it on satellite and some clever webster was broadcasting it over the net...when I came across an intersting guy. We were both busy making fun of the Middle Eastern men attempting to find a wayward Visa on the web. I made the comment:

"You can't have 'Hamass' without a little "ass", and he responded, "From your mouth to G*d's ear."

Now that HAD to be a Jew. Nobody else talks like that, although they should.

So I responded, "Baruch Hashem". To which he wrote back, "Go fuck yourself."

So now I knew: he was both Jewish AND a New Yorker. We became instant friends. When identities were established the first thing he said, football being on our minds, was that the Kansas City Chief's fans applauded the New York Jets on Sept. 11, 2005 at the Jet's home game, ostensibly in tribute to 9/11. And he said it touched his heart, telling him what kind of people we are in Kansas City.

I thought it was obvious: we're Americans. What surprised me was that he was too...fool that I was.

So as I sit here watching "Spiderman" on DVD, seeing the crowds from New York defend their superhero in solidarity by throwing bricks and lead pipes at the bad guy from Brooklyn Bridge, and while I watched "Taxi" last night with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon, I see the true character of New York. Underneath the gruff exterior, lying below the cold and calculating demeanor, rising above the unquenchable desire for wealth and power....lies a true asshole. Ahh, New York! How I long to gaze upon the gleaming towers of concrete and steel. Oh to stride the greens of Central Park and stand in the shadow of the Battery. How I would love to ask a common passerby on the streets of Manhattan, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me what time it is...or should I just go fuck myself?"

There's no place like it. Hollywood tried, but when the Jews that run Hollywood got fat and lazy and turned it over to short-dicked Gentiles who cranked out movie after movie that catered to 15 year olds with acne and more lovers in one semester than I've had my whole life, I knew that Hollywood had gone home.

Home to New York.

We should all be so lucky.

My Original Louisianna Gumbo Recipe
(this is great!)
1.) Get 2 boxes of Zatarain's Red Beans and Rice
2.) Fresh onions, green and purple, a can of black beans (drained and washed), one can of tiny shrimp...the most expensive item. Wash them little boogers too.
3.) Jar of Santa Fe peppers (or any other hot, green pepper variety...EXCEPT habanero!)
4.) Cajun spices - you know, red peppers, garlic, black pepper, onion powder, etc...
5.) Beef sausage, link style (or pork, if you're not Kosher)...hell, use hot dogs if you want. Cut into slices, along with the onions and peppers. If you're a real stud, add fresh sliced garlic from the bulb.
6.) Cook Zatarain's Red Beans and Rice in one pot as directed on the box.
7.) Fry up your sausage, onions, peppers, spices, garlic, etc. in another pot with just a smidgen of oil (preferably olive) in the pan.
8.) In the sausage pan add your rou...I mean rue...you know, ruuouuu...aww hell, just put some cold water in a cup with a tablespoon of flour, okay! Add that to the sausage and veggies and spices. Stir and simmer for a bit, covered. Let it thicken a bit. THAT'S your rue/rou/orange roughy.
9.) When your Zatarain's is done (follow the instructions now), add the washed black beans and washed shrimp. Turn heat on LOW.
10.) Add all this crap into one big pot over a low heat - the Zatarain's, the beans and shrimp, the sausage and veggies and rooooo....Let simmer over a low heat til it gets sticky.
When you're ready to eat it just add a little Louisiana Hot Sauce (called Tabasco north of the Mason-Dixie) or a Buffalo Wing Sauce, my favorite, and get DOWN, son!
This is a high-protein gumbo that lasts a long time in your fridge, fills your gut and is spicy enough to make a billy-goat puke. It's also tasty as hell, seriously.

The Big News Today...

...is that you're gay.

But you already knew that.

In other news, President of the United States George W. Bush picks the Original Freaky Bitch as the newest Supreme Court swinger....er, I mean swing vote.

Never married, no kids, never been a judge...why shouldn't she be a Justice of the Supreme Court? Don't ask me, I just jerk here.

In other news:

GM, Ford Post Lower US Sales -
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20051003/bs_nm/autos_sales_dc_4

I don't intend to be unsympathetic or in any way cruel or lacking in compassion...but I hope they burn in hell with a six-foot double-headed dildo stuck in their butt.

Time-warp back to September eleventh, year of our Lori two thousand and uno. Where were you when the towers fell? I know where I was; I was sitting in a green mobile home trailer in Dogpatch (an area of Kansas City/Independence, Missouri so impoverished that it can't even afford to be incorporated into either municipality). I don't remember the exact details, but I'm rather sure that I was jotting down in my dayplanner the events that would captivate me for the upcoming 24 hours. Let's see...

8am - sleeping
9am - still sleeping
9:45 - STILL sleeping (will you fuck off, please)
10 (ish) - woke up, ate hot glazed doughnuts from local vendor
10 (ish-ish) - got a call from my local librarian telling me to turn on the tube
Shortly Thereafter - turned on tube, watched twin towers fall, lamented the absence of any VHS tapes to record historical event

After a brief intermission which found me traveling 500 miles, leaving my entire life behind (no loss there!) and taking a job as a newspaper reporter in the greater Dallas metro, I went straight down to a Ford dealership and "purchased" (meaning, "got financed....miraculously") a brand new Ford Ranger XLT pick-em-up truck. I did this even though Nissan was (and is) manufacturing a far comelier and more reliable truck of roughly the same size. Toyota makes a killer truck too. But I went American, baby! And for the simple reason that I thought the old boys in the UAW union and in the board rooms of Ford Motor Corp. could use a break. I was supporting my country in the wake of a national disaster, see?

Here's what I bought:

Ford
Ranger
XLT
2 wheel drive
Standard transmission
6' bed
Black in color
No goodies (like power windows, running boards or seat-fitted 6' double-headed dildo...a popular option in San Francisco)

I was especially pleased to find out that the entire truck was assembled in America. That's a nice word, "assembled". Think of a squad of U.S. Army soldiers, assembling on the parade grounds of Fort Dix. Were they made in Fort Dix? Born in Fort Dix? Did they first discover their dix in Fort Dix? Doubtful. They are from all over, including some countries outside of the in-continental U.S.

Like my truck was.

To continue with the schematics...

Transmission: Mitsubishi, made in Japan
Radiator: Made in Mexico
Alternator: Made in Canada
Onboard computer: Made in Bob's garage; Belton, Missouri

My truck is about as American as Japanese Crabapple Pie (assembled in Canada).

Ford, by the way, is also Mazda. Just look at the trucks, like the B210-438-Alpha (or whatever it's called). That's a Ranger without the American flag draped over its nether region. Ford also owns Aston Martin, Daimler, Jaguar and Land Rover. Now that's as American as it gets.

On top of that, old man Ford was a NAZI! Shit you not. Run a google search on "The Protocols of the Wise Men of Zion" and "Henry Ford" and see what you come up with. Henry Ford in all his wisdom passed down from Eli Whitney and his cotton-picking gin was a firm believer in anti-zionism....which is a polite way of saying "racist, Jew-hating motherfucker". He was known to pass out copies of the Protocols for free to any and all who would listen to his theory that the entire world is run by 7 million fighting-for-their-lives Jews against 1 billion muslims while living on approximately 6 square inches of worthless dirt in the Middle East, also known as Israel. Those BULLIES!!!

Let 'em burn, I say. So Ford's domestic sales drop, who cares? You know, when you OWN Jaguar and Aston Martin (that was James Bond's favorite car, by the way) I think you're gonna make it through the rough spots. These bastards gave up on America so long ago it puts red-white-and-blue stripes on my butt.

My motto: never feel sorry for someone who's worth 10 billion dollars and isn't even a person...like Ford Motor Company, a corporation, stealing the hearts and dollars of millions just because some 4th generation loser named Bill (Ford) is now president of the whole she-bang. The whole concept of ridiculous. There is no Ford Motor Corporation...it's a CORPORATION! That's just a lie on paper to make the wage-slaves salute every time they walk in the door.

(I just love that word, by the way: she-bang. It's so descriptive. It's got everything I want in a word.)

Well, Ford and GM are getting their own little she-bang right now. That's what they get for making SUV's and supporting Saudi Arabia when the House of Saud is killing American boys and girls in Iraq.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Big Secret of Iraq's Insurgency

First, who's who.

Iraq: 20-30% Sunni Muslim (these are the Baathists...which is too damned close to "Baptist" for my comfort...and the ruling Saddam power base for the last few decades), the rest are Shiite and Kurds.

Jordan: 92% Sunni Muslim, 6% Christian (bet that's a nervous bunch) with a few Chechens and the occasional Jew who never leaves his basement.

Syria: 74% Sunni Muslim, 16% "other" (meaning Shiite) Muslim, 10% Christian and one Jewish guy named Abe who refuses to leave Damascus.

Turkey: 99% Sunni Muslim, 1% Christians and Jews

Iran: 89% Shi'a (Shiite) Muslim, 9% Sunni Muslim, 2% Christian, Jew, Bahai and Zoroastrian ("Zoroastrian?")

Saudi Arabia: 100% Sunni Muslim...by law. The proper name is Wahabbi Muslim, named after the early 20th century Islamic reformer who partnered up with the House of Saud and returned Arabia to its fundamentalist Islamic principles, sort of.


Political analysis in the Middle East is like trying to make sense out of a Baptist's accounting books - complex to say the least! Take the Iran-Iraq war for instance. 10 years of incredibly bloody fighting. Shiite Iran duking it out with Sunni-ruled but Shiite populated Iraq. The war ground on for so long that they both said "screw it" and started using chemical weapons.

Now let's take a look at the American troubles in Iraq. The latest rumor in the breeze on the American side are concerns about a real civil war in Iraq that could split the country into three parts: Kurds in the north, Sunnis in the west and Shiites in the east (next to Shi'a Iran). The reason this rumor is floating around is because the American general in charge (Abazaid) is now vehemently denying this could ever happen. I rest my case. The reason for this is, obviously, the insurgency that's blowing up...well, basically everything and everybody.

Are these insurgents Iraqis? Doubtful. Oh there may be a Saddam holdout here and there, some glory-days Baathist who straps on a dynamite bolo and goes out to face the world, but the majority of the little bits and pieces of terrorists that we scoop up belonged to Sunnis from other countries.

http://www.washtimes.com/upi/20051002-110701-9762r.htm

The above link is a news story titled "1000 Foreign Fighters in Iraq". That is a seriously conservative estimate. Jordan, Syria, Turkey and Saudi Arabia are all Sunni dominated and they all have a stake in seeing Iraq a Sunni Arab state. The borders of Iraq are porous; vast tracks of inhospitable desert and mountain terrain (not a water slide in sight!) and the U.S. forces tied down in the urban regions trying to keep a lid on things. Recently, however, a 1000 man force of U.S. soldiers blasted its way into Sadah on the Syrian border, a village said to be completely taken over by insurgents and turned into a border crossing for more foreign fighters coming out of Syria.

But is Syria the biggest problem? When confronted with a mystery the very first two questions you want to ask yourself are 1.) who would, and 2.) who could. To a degree the Syrians meet both these prerequisites, but not as much as someone else next door.

Enter the Saudis.

Saudi Arabia is home to Islam's two holiest sites: Mecca and Medina (Mohammed's tomb is actually there). The third holiest site of Islam is Jerusalem (where Mo-baby flew away on a winged horse...yeah!), but they got problems of their own. And Saudi has a serious reputation problem in the Arab world and are constantly concerned about how they are perceived. The reason for this is plainly the debauchery, degeneracy and playboy lifestyles of the entire House of Saud who've ruled Arabia for 70 years. That lifestyle comes from contact with the west and about 3 trillion in oil money spent on luxuries and "civic" improvements.

Remember Prince Bandar? He was the Saudi ambassador to the U.S. and an elite member of D.C.'s highest social circles for a very long time. He owns 8 palaces and the world's only Rolls Royce dune buggy. He also owns homes in England, France and America. My own brother worked for 6 months at his home in Aspen and said that the smallest building on the property, a hunting lodge, cost $8 million to build. When Band-aid flies his private Boeing 747 into Denver International a fleet of brand new white Cadillac SUV's picks him up from the airport. The man has cameras in the trees on his extensive estate. Check the real estate prices in Aspen and you'll have an idea of the wealth we're talking about. My brother personally remembers one unlucky camel jockey getting fired and sent home for urinating outdoors, and with 30% unemployment and the religious police watching you pray 5 times a day I think the poor soul would rather be chilling it in Aspen than Riyadh. And Bandar's big fun too. He's known to be extremely witty, extremely generous (once tipping a British airline stewardess hired for his jet 1000 pounds for her good service) and quite the gambler and ladies man.

Yeah, that will about make you the most hated man in Arabia, no matter how popular you are in New York and London.

(postnote - Bandar himself got sent home when old King Fahd died last month and was officially replaced by Crown Prince Abdullah, a much more fundamentalist Muslim who doesn't lean near as far westward as his predecessor)

Lot's of folks think that terrorism is something that comes from the Middle East and is mainly just an export, but the Iraq insurgency should cure us of that notion. Saudi Arabia has terrorism at home as well, along with some serious political unrest coming from their own fundamentalists who think the House of Saud is corrupt beyond imagining...and how they got that idea I'll never know. When a nation of 26 million people is ruled by a family of 4000 and owns 25% of the world's oil and has BEEN RUNNING UP A NATIONAL DEBT FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS then I'd say there's definately a financial self-discipline problem somewhere. Recent domestic terrorism in Saudi Arabia includes the murders of police, judges, a provincial governor and several thousand bystanders. It's pretty serious. One guy even drove a truck full of explosives into the government's anti-terrorism headquarters, which is a really effective way of delivering a message. A 2003 issue of National Geographic called Saudi Arabia a "kingdom on edge", and that's not only the truth, it's getting worse. Democracy and human rights there are a joke, they still have public beheadings, women can't drive a car or walk down the street alone...AND THERE'S NO BOOZE! Talk about fuel for the fire. The country is, amazingly, in debt, they're running out of potable water and (this last one will floor you) Iraq had democratic elections BEFORE Saudi Arabia did...last year! All the money goes to the ruling family, the Muslim world knows the Sauds are in bed with the west while sitting on Islam's holiest sites, and unemployment is through the roof. There are 6 million foreign workers in Saudi Arabia (mostly from neighboring Arab countries) who do the menial work that the Sauds won't do for themselves, and they constitute over 50% of the work force! Saudi Arabia is a powder keg, and they know it.

Now check out world gas prices:

http://money.cnn.com/pf/features/lists/global_gasprices/

You see, with the exception of Venezuela's coveted twelve cent / gallon gas prices and a few others, oil is sky high all over the world. I think the nation with 25% of the market literally cornered might have something to say about that. What's going on is not near so much Hurricane Katrina as it is price-gouging by the Saudi Kingdom in an effort to shore up capital to keep their tenuous hold on power. It's a stop-gap measure that without real change and progress will only buy them a little time before their own people rise up and burn the place down. If your household income was $7000 a year and you had to drive to work everyday past a palace constructed as a duplicate of the U.S. White House, you as a muslim would get pretty pissed.

Getting back to Iraq: who would and who could.

The Saudi's would. They have to legitimize themselves in front of the Muslim world and their own people or risk rebellion and/or insurrection, which may already be taking place. So far their own oil industry infrastructure has been magically spared by domestic Saudi terrorists, but when the pot boils over their going to shut the House of Saud down by lobbing a few hand grenades over the refineries fence. No oil, no money, no Sauds. The House of Saud is on the razor's edge and they not only have real reasons to fund a Sunni Iraq but are almost certainly experiencing pressure from their neighbors to do so.

And the Saudi's could. They got the cash and the whole Muslim world knows it. They were expected to finance the PLO and Hamas and they did and continue to do so. With white crusaders on holy land in Iraq you can bet your camel's eye teeth the Saudis are expected to fund the Iraq insurgency. And guess who has the longest border with Iraq? It ain't Taiwan!

But the Saudis never get mentioned. Their PR guys are the best their money can buy after 9/11 showed that 15 out of 19 of the hijackers were Saudi nationals. In 2002 a quiet little survey was conducted at Guantanamo. 100 out of 158 terrorists behind bars in Club Gitmo were Saudis. And Saudi Arabia is 100% Sunni, not Shiite like Iran (whom they don't trust).

The big secret in Iraq is that it's our old buddies from Desert Storm, our big supplier of oil, the owner of upteen huge American corporations and unto thousands of acres of prime U.S. real estate, whose king was recently a guest at the Bush ranch in Crawford, our supposed staunch ally in the war on terror, one of our biggest trading partners and a HUGE buyer of American weapons - the Saudis - who are killing our sons and daughters in Iraq.